I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family where everyone seemed to be existing in survival mode.
Maintaining the image of a happy family was crucial. The focus was never having uncomfortable conversations. This perpetuated a sense of isolation and a longing for connections that aren’t possible without sincere vulnerability in a safe environment.
I have worked my whole life to heal from my childhood experiences. Along the way, I have met well-meaning people who offered snippets of ‘wisdom’ that sadly, did more harm than good.
As I heal, I understand more and more that everyone carries unresolved trauma. Our focus, as individuals and, as a society, seems to be maintaining the status quo and so not saying or doing anything that we perceive as challenging that. Perhaps we see that challenge as risking all that we’ve worked for, or the security of the relationships we’ve formed.
The thing we may not realise is that unresolved trauma doesn’t dissolve. In fact, the more we ignore a wound, the more likely it is to show up in our lives in ways that cause the very things we’re trying to avoid.
Even the most loving humans inadvertently create trauma in others. Feeling deeply is part of our right as humans – and something we seem to be trying more and more to quash in the pursuit of maintaining a status quo that is suffocating us.
While many blame the Covid pandemic for the increase in mental unwellness, perhaps it served as a time when the busyness we use to anesthetise ourselves was no longer available in the quantities required to drown out the screams of our souls.
Perhaps our unresolved traumas took the opportunity to make themselves known in ways we could no longer ignore.
My hope for this book is to create awareness of the effects of all types of traumas (because the effects can be similar) and so engender understanding while providing some ideas on how each of us can better respond to those who are in emotional pain.
I’d like this book to start conversations. That can be challenging, so I imagine someone, saying, “Number 6’ and so give voice to the words they find impossible to say.
You may, at times, have strong reactions to what you read. Please take care of yourself and when appropriate, reach out for help. If there isn’t anyone you feel able to share with, consider using a notebook and a pen as your confidants and writing down what you’re feeling.
The thoughts in this book are mine. You’re not required to agree with everything. That isn’t the point. The point is to encourage people to think for themselves and to challenge the ‘rules’ we live by – and inflict (knowingly or unwittingly) on others.
As always, listen to your intuition and take what resonates and leave the rest. Most of all be kind, be kind, be kind…especially to you.